Faaadulous

The scary truth is we are now old enough to scratch our heads at some fashion and habit choices exhibited by our successors in 20/30-ness, i.e. teens.  For example, the 14 year-olds who beam their triumphant brace-face smiles while wearing their spaghetti strap tank tops, microminis and Uggs.

But recognizing their tendencies to follow fads does not let us off the hook.

I’m sure some of us think we are excused for succumbing to goofy fads, because we know they are fads - and can thus set ourselves apart from teenagers who may not know any better.  As if we recognize we are giving into those fads and doing so knowingly makes it dignified.

Or perhaps, some of those fads just seem like a really good idea.

Give yourself a day, maybe a week, and see if you notice – or if you exhibit – any of the fads below and laugh with me.

Each of the following is, on its surface, a bit ridiculous.  And, in context with our contemporary rationale, each fabulous.  Here we go:

• Using the word “like” as a comma – The word “like” is a verb, noun, or a preposition or conjunction to convey similarity.  We know this. We also know its use as an adverb or discourse particle remerged to popularity almost 30 years ago.  Reference: Valley Girl[1], the film. 

But even now, I hear newscasters, politicians and the newest 29 year-old bazillionaire on financial talk shows using it for punctuation, e.g. “We did a lot of research and found our investors, like, really liked our concept.  Just like that.”

• Refusing to drink coffee, because it is so bad for you – but drinking at least three energy drinks per day.

• Not really knowing world events, but knowing vampire movies line by line.

• Enslaving ourselves to TiVo – How many times do you hear people complain they don’t have time to do anything in their lives, but work – and yet, some of these same folks have never missed an episode of “American Idol,” or “The Biggest Loser,” or “Real Housewives?”

• Hydbrid dog breeds - The kinds with names that would get them beaten up on the playground if they were human; Yorkipoo, Maltipug, Papichon…

• Carrying your hybrid dog in your purse.

• "I’ll have the vegan spaghetti carbonara with the tempeh bacon and shaved parmesan on the side, please.”

• Downloading mobile phone apps for e-v-e-r-ything.

• When your age and skirt length are inversely proportionate.  Bad idea.

• The word “nother,” e.g. “Work is usually hard, but now it’s on a whole nother level.”  Possibly derived from the word “another,” by eliding the “a” but even then, would we say “it’s on a whole another level?” No.

Unless, of course, we mean to insert the word “whole” into the word “another” for emphasis, e.g. “It’s on a-whole-nohter level.”  That, like, totally makes sense.

• Spending $92 on a pair of yoga pants to wear to the donation-based free classes, because the classes at the studio are too expensive.

• Fuschia’s back in fashion?  Nooooooo! Say it ain’t so!

• Pole dancing classes.

• Tattoos – Huge, all-torso-consuming Sanskrit characters or rose vines wrapping-up-and-down-both-arms tattoos.  They look sexy, or at least make a statement.  Now.  But what’s that 18 square-inch Om going to look like in 40 or 50 years?

"Um, Mom, can you please wear the long-sleeve shirt when you come over for the barbeque today?  Your tattoos scare the kids and we can’t keep telling that Gramma has a special allergy that turns your skin purplish-green.” 

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[1]Coleman, T. et al (Producers), & Coolidge, M. (Director). (1983). Valley Girl [Motion picture]. United States: Atlantic Pictures.