“If You Would Have Told Me…”

"If you would have told me 10 years ago that xyz would happen...I would never have believed you.”  Many of us can and do say that about many things – good and bad.

"If you would have told me 10 years ago that I would end up staying in Chicago and falling for Danny....”

Or “If you would have told me 10 years ago that her career would have taken such a bad turn and she’d go downhill from there...”

It’s a rather neutral statement that could lead the whole conversation onto a different path – again, good or bad.

And sometimes, you say it simply because you cannot believe how much time has passed. Among friends, you can throw out a quick "If you would have told me 10 years ago...” and leave that idea hanging there.  Someone around you is certain to pipe in with a “No joke!”

The statement does not really have to be about anything, but that incredulity seems to resonate with everyone – and it has very little to do with the time.  There are still 60 seconds in every minute, 60 minutes in every hour and 24 hours in every day.  That never changes.

Broken down like that, time seems abundant.  As if there is so much of it.  But when we try to get it to hold still so we can stuff it full, it runs away from us.

Time’s passage is not what astonishes us.  But how much we do in that time, and how quickly that amount of time diminishes in proportion to the rest of the time we have been alive - that is what perpetually surprises most of us.

How we characterize that time, whether good or bad, depends on how we fill it.  Quality, not quantity.  And sometimes, the simplest cast-aside occurrences can drive home all of that – time, its mischievous getaway and how we filled it before it escaped our grasp.

On the phone with a friend a month or so ago, I casually tossed into a conversation an expression I have used for years – something I inherited from a boyfriend over 10 years ago.

"Amen, Sister Fish,” I said.

My friend paused hesitantly before we both broke into laughter.

"Oh, God…Sorry, that is something I have said for years!  Got it from a former boyfriend and I have no idea where he heard it, but I can’t shake it,” I explained.

Mike and I dated for a year and change when I was a year and change out of college.  He is a few years older and was much more professionally established.  I was taking classes at a local university to prepare for a career change.  One year into my “career.”  Nice.

He too had a full-time job and was in school for his PhD in Philosophy, preparing for his imminent career change.  We could commiserate on a lot of things, one of which was proofreading each other’s papers.  He is a very good writer/teacher and he knew I wanted to be writer before I knew it.

We stopped dating almost 10 years ago, but have remained friends; we thumbs-up each other’s social network comments from time to time and check in via e-mail on a rare occasion.  It’s nice.

"You know what, I am going to e-mail him to ask,” I resolved that night on the phone with my friend, for no particular reason other than to ask where he got his Sister Fish.

ME

How are you and your cute family? I have a question...among the many charming idioms you implanted in my brain, one of the most charming is "Amen, Sister Fish." May I ask where you got that gem?

 

I am on the phone with a buddy and that just came out of my mouth. I cannot specify its genesis in my diction and would appreciate your help.

 

Thank you!  

No answer.

“Oh well.  His household is probably in bed,” I figured.

I had forgotten about that e-mail until a few days ago, when he e-mailed me in reply.   I was at the drugstore at 9ish on a Saturday night, picking up face lotion – so wild and crazy - when my alert chimed.  “Message from Mike Canardi.” 

MIKE

I don't think I ever responded to this. The origin is from 1996. My old boss, Ted McDonnell, used to use this term regularly. So much so, that for some odd reason it stuck 7 years later though our dating adventure. I guess it would just slip out...oh boy!

 

Hope you're well. Would love to hear how things are for you and the Martini Squad...

ME

Hysterical, Canardi!  Both for the phrase's adhesion and for referring to it as our "dating adventure." And I'm picking up toiletries at CVS, hearing a Don Henley song on the ambient tracks. Way to get nostalgic, right?

 

All is very well, thank you. I left finance months ago - Canardi, it was not for me. Giving it a go with the writing dream for right now. You'll know if it comes true as soon as I will.

 

How is your family? Is your son about 18 months now? How are your folks and your brother?

MIKE

Yeah...he’s 17 months...and a pistol!

ME

17 months!  Verbal?  Writing papers on Plato yet? 

MIKE

Nope...Gave that up for a while...I'll try that again in about 20...years

 

Keep up your writing.  You know Paula Deen was in her 40's when she started to cook for $$...don't forget me when your writing is on the on the New York Times Best Sellers...

ME

Oh Gohhhd! 

MIKE

You're the voice of the Modern Woman :)

ME

Oh God, the voice of the Modern Woman?  I heard I sound more like Minnie Mouse. 

MIKE

I'm not touching that one...

ME

Oooh, Baby! 

MIKE

Yep...thought that might elicit an Oooh Baby...

ME

I knew you did that on purpose! 

MIKE

Yup...

ME

And I still hear your little ditty anytime anyone says "Coolio" 

MIKE

Oh no! That'll stick...sorry about that...

ME

Ooh...and worse, worse, worse yet... 

MIKE

What could possibly be worse??

ME

No! That doesn't even COMPARE to the old faithful "I'm picking up what you're laying down"…Gawwwwd! 

MIKE

Please...You never had to deal with the humiliation of being called a pastry in public...

ME

A fluffy, but filling pastry.  At least I didn't call you Napoleon.  Muffin is harmless by comparison. 

MIKE

True...not emasculating at all :)
 
Keep writing...love to see what you're doing...

ME

Thank you! You too. You are a talented poet/scholar, Professor Canardi.  

Right then, it seemed as if the last 10 years, as if time had run away.  But no, there it is, trotting along side of us with 60 seconds in every minute, 60 minutes in every hour and 24 hours in every day... And my, oh my, how full we have stuffed it.

If you would have told me - or many of us - 10 years ago that almost everything in the last 10 years would have happened...we would never have believed you.